A Dog House Cat-Head Funnel

Recently I made a new friend of a very talented, very comical poet. When I navigated to his Facebook page I noticed that he kept as his profile picture a photograph of one of his cats, who must be suffering from some ailment because it is wearing one of those funnels over its head that veterinarians put there to keep them from scratching themselves. In any event, I find those funnels completely hilarious, especially on cats. So in my humorous stupor I felt like composing this whimsical short poem to my new found friend as a show of kinship.  So I hope that if you find this page that you will enjoy this little off-beat piece.  If not, then I hope you will take a moment to tell me why….  Thanks for visiting……

A Dog House Cat-Head Funnel

I saw the dog house
while rowing down main
in my pancake boat.
It was kind of soggy,
the dog house, I mean.
And it wouldn’t float.

The dog had to be
somewhere, didn’t he?
And I found him there.
He ate a hole
in my pancake floor.
Syrup was everywhere!

Silly dog. You can’t
eat the pancake boat!
I’ll have to row faster.
But heavens no!
That stupid dog just
turned to alabaster….

Well that’s just great.
I’ve got a foot of syrup
and he gets to just sink.
What am I to do?
Think, think, think….
Oooooo! Hit another link!

Now I see a funny looking cat
with a funnel on his head.                                                     
I want to throw popcorn in there.
Life is like a string of popcorn.
It’s always funnier when you throw
it into a cat-head funnel.

That didn’t rhyme.
But it’s still funny.
I tracked syrup on your carpet,
and it’s runny.
Now that’s not funny.
At all.

Have you seen my pills?

Do you think we could fill
that funnel with popcorn
before he could eat it all?
And just see his little whiskers
poking out through them,
like a little popcorn ball?

Let’s put some syrup in there too.
I think your cat ate my pills man.
Did he just wink at me?
Ok, where is his right ear?
It was there a minute ago.
Is his name Evander?

© 2011 John Richter

About johnallenrichter

I am an aspiring Poet and adorer of life, a conqueror of nothing. However I am a champion curator of truth and friendship and hold both of those things most dearly to my heart. Welcome to my mind's eye. I hope you will enjoy what you may find and please know that you have a friend here. View all posts by johnallenrichter

8 responses to “A Dog House Cat-Head Funnel

  • Jolene Hanson

    I’ll admit, I was in just the right mood when I started reading this and couldn’t stop laughing when I read the title. I haven’t read any comical poetry (that I can recall), and I really like this! You create some great imagery, and it brought a big smile to my face at the end of a verrry long day. 🙂

    • johnallenrichter

      Thank you so kindly…. it is always uplifting to get positive feedback from readers, especially sincerely gifted writers as yourself. I’m glad you enjoyed this whimsical thing… Incidentally Jolene, I am not a fan of Haiku, metering steals from the writer I think, by syllable or by feet, but “Haiku with a stolen pen” is absolutely professional grade. Please follow your heart in poetry……

  • liv2write2day

    John, this is a hoot. Whimsical, kind of matter-of-fact voice that’s telling me this story. I sure hope he finds his pills soon. I would love some pancakes for dinner tonight. And the allusion to Holyfield is great…at least, I think that’s where you were going. And thank you for your comments on “Neon Kisses.” It’s comforting to know that something you write evokes a special memory in a reader. That’s part of poet-ing, isn’t it?

    • johnallenrichter

      Thank you so much Victoria…… poetry needs to be fun too sometimes, I think! And yes, Holyfield was the obscure reference…. I’m surprised that a woman, once of the habit, would get that guttural aside! How incredibly quaint! As for evoking memories in the reader, absolutely. I agree that is our role as poets – the reason God gave us this inclination to write. Sometimes happy memories, sometimes sad, life isn’t life without them both and it’s what defines us. Poetry is like the catalyst, the base that pulls all of those memories together and forces us to realize that those are the truly special parts of us, not the rat race, not this daily grind of chasing the brass ring. It’s that memorable kiss under a neon sing on a misty night long ago, or watching the bold strength of your loving mother as she persevered through the painful loss of your father, or one of the Aids patients you nursed to bring just the tiniest bit of comfort to his misery. What would his poem say of you? That is where God’s glory lies. That is where are hearts lie, in our memories. Truly the only things we can ever own. Beauty comes alive when poetry touches our memories….. Your sestina is beautiful, by the way….. thank you for that…….

  • Claudia

    smiles – that was a fun read…loved the pancake boat and if i ever see a cat with such a funnel, i’m going to buy popcorn…lol

  • Jamie Dedes

    I always feel for the poor things when they are stuggling with their funnel wraps … But, your poem is fun and I’m glad you had fun with the vision of it all. Thanks for sharing here and thanks, John, for your dear and wise comment on my site.

    • johnallenrichter

      Thank you Jamie….. It is so incredibly wonderful to have such talented poets reading my little attempt at burlesque! I am deeply humbled….. and yes, the poor things are in dire circumstances when they need these “Elizabethan Collar” funnels, but the sight of it makes me absolutely chuckle….. Sorry but it is just an instinctive thing…. as is throwing bits of popcorn into them….

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