Some time late last year my siblings and I traveled to southern Mexico for a family retreat. There is nothing I love more in this life than spending it with these incredibly special people.
The second oldest of us has developed a liking for spa retreats. And so we spent several days trapped in a beautiful spa hotel wonderland, sitting on crystal blue waters and hidden in a deep Mayan jungle…. I have never been so pampered in my life.
Unfortunately, and those who know me will attest to this, I am not a sauna, spa, mani-peti sort of fellow. I have a natural aversion to aroma-rock-therapy and massage tables with holes for the face. In fact when the ocean is in my sight I am much happier to be splashing about upon it in a fishing boat, which is where my brother and I managed to sneak off to.
But most of the time there we sat at a little pool bar overlooking the ocean. And we sat, and sat, and sat. And drank. On the opposite side swimmers in the pool would wade up to get their drinks. It was fun watching the bikini clad boobies come up to get their refreshments… Sort of my little refreshment.
We had the funniest little bartender named “Oscar,” who was obviously a Mayan descendant and whom I believe used nothing but alcohol in his alleged “mixed” drinks. Except for our fishing expedition I was entirely drunk through out this vacation.
Within the beating afternoon southern sun each day, and with a belly full of rocket-fuel Margaritas, I found myself longing for the expanse of the huge bed in that mansion-esque state room to enjoy a hard worked and well deserved nappy-poo. All of which brought on the weirdest dreams I can ever remember…
To my bartender, Oscar….
Oscar With Sister #5
Happy Hour Dreams
Sun Gods and Mexican Leprechauns,
Forty beaten winks
from pretty pink shelled prawns….
And an afternoon
spent with Tic-Toc man.
“May I help you, If I can”
whispered the strange little man.
“Perhaps a bottle of wine?”
“No, kind sir.” I should say.
But in the most polite way,
“Your clock is tilting into mine.”
“Our seconds are crashing,
moments are thrashing,
and the hours have lost their mind.”
“Pardon my gin, sir,
I’ll wind it again sir.
and then see what you’ll find.”
Oh.
Boobies.
That’s a better dream.
Perhaps I’ll have that wine.
Have you any nipples?
Or the time?
Oh, damn it all!
I’m awake again.
.
.
.
This offering will be presented to a wonderful and talented group of poets comprising the dversepoets society for their Tuesday Evening “Open Link” night…. I hope you will have the time to join us there some Tuesday…..
© 2013 John Allen Richter
johnallenrichter 
September 24th, 2013 at 1:57 am
Hilarious John – loved it! I don’t think many men are into the spa retreats or the massage tables with the ‘holes’. I would like to laze in the pool and sup Majitos all day long and have eye candy at the same time (the male kind) I also think nothing beats relaxing and fishing. It all sounds so ahhh *sigh* and I would so like to be away right now. I am sure you will have memories of your Southern Mexico Retreat for a long time to come. 😀
September 24th, 2013 at 12:01 pm
LOL! I have pictures. Of Oscar, I mean, not the boobies. Boobies are fleeting. Oscars are forever!
September 24th, 2013 at 12:03 pm
you should post 🙂 yes boobies are either fleeting or travelling south never to return.
September 24th, 2013 at 5:36 pm
LOL sounds grand
Being “trapped” in such a land
Watching boobies pop up from the pool
As you sit and drool
Going click
Snapping a pic right quick
What better fishing could there be?
Must better than the squirmy things from the sea
But have to use a less sharp hook
Or at you they’ll throw a book
Then off to dream land you’ll go
If drunk enough, maybe fun would still show
September 25th, 2013 at 11:58 am
Tiddly Winks
and forty winks
go on vacation
and me only drinks…
Sad is the life
of a dirty old man.
But me’s got no wife
so me does what me can.
Boobies used to fit the bill
make me happy up to the gill
But in these years late I feel
they have lost some of their appeal.
Now I’m much happier sitting at the bar
Watching them pass by from afar…
Thanks for passing by, Pat!
September 24th, 2013 at 6:20 pm
John, sounds like you had a great vacation. As long as you enjoyed what you were doing, that is the most important thing. A little bit of looking and a little bit of dreaming ain’t bad. After all one comes back to reality soon enough!!
September 25th, 2013 at 12:02 pm
Yes indeed, dear Mary. I assume you picked up on my inclusion of “time” in this poem. Every vacation is imbued with the nagging thought that in so many days and in so many hours one must return to the incredibly dull and tortuous grindstone known as life. But like every other vacation I have ever had, this one was filled with special people like Oscar who always seem to make that time clock a little haywire, at least momentarily….
September 24th, 2013 at 8:31 pm
did you really just say….trapped at a beautiful retreat….ha….sounds like fun times to me….and not bad dreams either….dont you hate it when the alarm crashes into those wonderful dreams…lol….
September 25th, 2013 at 10:01 am
Unfortunately, yes, trapped is the word…. The nicer resorts down there are like fortresses. One can venture into the local towns and burgs, but keep in mind the average yearly salary down there is equivalent to about 600 US dollars… Many, many conversations with Oscar clued us in on the surrounding areas. One ventures at one’s own peril… I did go to the nearby town and shopped for an afternoon. But it was at the direction and supervision of our Taxi Driver. We also hired a limo (16 passenger van) and traveled to an amazing set of Mayan Ruins a couple of hours away… If interested we stayed at the Grand Velas Riviera Maya resort…. Across the bay from Cancun
September 24th, 2013 at 11:30 pm
Sounds like heaven to me, I’m a big fan of margarita’s, especially when I’m near the pool whistling that bikini lullaby !! Really enjoyed your poem !!
September 25th, 2013 at 12:04 pm
Thanks for stopping by…
September 25th, 2013 at 4:36 am
This brings such a smile… glad you had fun with your siblings… sounds like Oscar has become an honorary one! = )
September 25th, 2013 at 12:09 pm
Windy beaches are a favorite of mine. Especially memories of moonlit ones spent with special people……
September 25th, 2013 at 8:53 am
Fantastic sojourn John! It must be heavenly certainly! It would only have been fair on yourself to be spoilt a little just so you allowed Oscar his satisfaction of serving with all sincerity! Thanks for sharing!
Hank
September 25th, 2013 at 12:21 pm
Oscar was indeed fun to spend time with. While we were dreading the end of our vacation Oscar was looking forward to the end of his shift. Everytime we would order another drink he would look us with that look, and say “I can’t wait till this shift is over. You people are just getting on my nerves. Don’t you know I have a party to go to? Why don’t you people just go away.” Then he would hand me a drink so strong that I think it might have been able to combust spontaneously and then he would smile that little smile! The waiters all told us that he had a common law wife whom he loved very dearly and that he would very seldomly leave her or the house after work…. We all decided that we were going to take him home with us, but realized it would have broken her heart… Thanks for stopping by Hank
September 25th, 2013 at 3:26 pm
sounds like a fun time you and the siblings had and funny ditty you wrote 🙂
September 25th, 2013 at 3:40 pm
I hope you at least were able to write poetry while drunk at the bar or in the boat. This poem is a delight. Your always surprising with good humor and revealing insights into human nature.
September 25th, 2013 at 5:28 pm
Hate to break it to you but it’s mani-peDi 🙂
Guess you really are not the type!
This was really fun to read.
Best,
Ana
September 25th, 2013 at 5:52 pm
Yes indeed! That’s how un-effeminate that I am: I refuse to even spell it correctly! Actually I’m just joking. I spelled it wrong because I am a man, which in general terms means that I am not supposed to know how to spell it… and I don’t…. But I also don’t know how to load a dishwasher properly either, apparently, nor am I capable of washing clothes wihtout turning them pink…. The real question is: Does that make me a bad fisherman? NO! Of course not. Every one knows that it’s my drunken, obnoxious, loud behavior that makes me a bad fisheramn, dishwashers be damned!
September 25th, 2013 at 5:39 pm
Sounds like a great Richter Family Reunion in Margaritaville Fun memories and a good write.
September 25th, 2013 at 7:58 pm
Oh how funny. My worst hangover was Margarita-induced and it was not pleasant. I spent a week at a spa retreat in Mexico. Unfortunately, I met up with Montezuma and have never been the same. That’s what happens when you skip the spa food, the Margaritas and go into town and over-indulge in chocolate from a street vendor. Fun post.
September 25th, 2013 at 11:56 pm
Never drink the water! Ask about in house restaruants us water purifiers before eating at them…. Or before booking them. And always, always tip Oscar well… (he has connections with Montezuma) 🙂
As for street vendors – aaaahhhhhhhhh NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Always remember: Mexico does not have anything equivalent to the FDA…. (The “F” for food being the important part of that equation…..) Let me just start, and probably finish with this little jewel: All swine in Mexico are infected with worms which can be transferred to the consumer if the meat is not prepared properly. When I say “meat” (referring to Mexican hog “meat”) I am referring to every part of the animal because they put every drop of the animal into their food. A few years ago a woman in California had a 12 inch worm removed from her brain. End of story. Happy trails. Thanks for stopping by Victoria…. Always love to hear from you…..
September 25th, 2013 at 8:18 pm
Ha.. being drunk among the boobies sounds like a great inspiration.. but I wonder about hangovers.. .-)
September 26th, 2013 at 12:06 am
LOL! Thanks for stopping Björn…. Well now, there’s Margarita drunk and then there’s boobie drunk. One kind makes me fall over. The other kind makes me stand up! Mixing the two is rarely a good idea…… The reason for that is that individually they both make me want to sing. Unfortunately, when mixed together they make me sound like this:
Those boobies “hangover” the ocean,
Those boobies “hangover” the sea,
Those boobies “hangover” the ocean,
I sure wish those boobies would “hangover” me!
Trust me, you never want to hear your dad or grandpa singing this at 3 am…. 🙂 …while naked. ….in the backyard or, basically, anywhere.
September 25th, 2013 at 10:45 pm
Looks like a lot of fun John ~ Good one ~
September 25th, 2013 at 11:58 pm
Thanks for stopping by and for the compliment… But I’d much rather be trapped inside of one of your wonderfully sensuous poems for a week or two….! 🙂
September 26th, 2013 at 2:21 am
Ha, John. I have been in different parts of Mexico, or at least resorty places, a little bit so could well imagine this, and your confusion! Thank you for the smile. Hope all is well and that you have another vacation coming soon. k.